I have had trouble lately in being honest with God in my prayers. Not sure why. I know the things I should be feeling at the moment and should be thinking, so I just kinda pray those things. But in my heart, that’s not what’s going on.
Sometimes I feel like there’s a certain way prayers are supposed to be prayed. Formal, theological, incredibly positive of the outcome. You get the picture. After all, James said if you pray while doubting, you’re like a wave tossed by the wind and you shouldn’t expect to receive anything from the Lord (James 1). So I’m like, “OK God, I’m going to try really hard to pray now without doubting.” It feels silly even typing that. How do you just stop doubting?
I don’t know how to stop doubting in my prayers, so I’ve just been praying as if I’m not really doubting. I’ve been faking it.
Then I read or heard that we should be honest with God in prayer.
I’ve thought about that, and I’m just starting to be impacted by it.
God knows my thoughts already, so He isn’t surprised when I honestly pray things that don’t sound very . . . “Christianesy.” I know that.
I also know David prayed some prayers I would hesitate to pray:
- He was too bold for me. “Arise, O Lord! Deliver me, O my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked” (Psalm 3:7). While I don’t think it’s appropriate for us to pray imprecatory prayers for our enemies, the boldness of this prayer throws me for a loop. Or how about when David frequently prays, “Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God” (Psalm 4:1)? That seems a little strong for me too.
- He freely admitted weakness. “Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long?” (Psalm 5:2-3). Translation: “I’m dying here, God!!! What’s the deal??”
My prayers haven’t been like that lately, although I’ve wanted to pray like that. I want to pray, “God, You’re gonna have to show up, because I have no freaking idea what I’m doing here. Do something! Be faithful to Your Word and Your promises!”
My hesitancy to be “arrogant” or “manipulative” with God was just a mask for insecurity and pride. As a result, I haven’t wanted to be vulnerable with God to tell Him what I really feel. But I have not rejected Christ. I trust Him and am secure in Him. Plus, God is big. He can handle anything I could throw at Him and then some.
So here’s a public pledge of repentance from my prideful “prayers.” I am in Christ, and I trust Him and am found in Him before God. I will try my best to be honest with God in my prayers–specifically during this next season of my life. There’s a rawness in those prayers that makes me a little uncomfortable to even be admitting publicly. But if I really need God to show up, I’m going to have to let Him in. I’m learning that only happens through honesty.
7 comments
Kiley says:
Jun 20, 2012
Great post, very true. I have been made aware of trying to manipulate my emotions during prayer (ie, when I’m “confessing” sin, I should be disgusted). But, I agree that coming to God in honesty is free-ing. I think honestly admitting how evil and helpless we are is what allows God to change our hearts (Ps 51:17).
Jacob says:
Jun 20, 2012
That last part is definitely true. It is only the humble that God hears, uses, forgives, etc.
Eva Moore says:
Jun 20, 2012
Excellent Tommy! I agree…sometimes being honest in prayer is hard. God wants us to be honest and he knows our hearts. I have found that I am able to be honest in prayer by just telling God that he knows where my heart is on a subject, but that my prayer is for his will to be done since I know that in the end what he wants is what is best, even if I don’t understand it yet. Above all else, above my own wants, I want what he wants. Acknowledging that really helps.
Jacob says:
Jun 20, 2012
Thanks for the comment, Eva! Also, thank you for thinking I am Tommy–that is a compliment to me! I am actually Jacob, another writer here at fwb21. But like I said, thank you anyway.
Eva Moore says:
Jun 20, 2012
LOL Too funny!! I didn’t even read who it was by. I thought when I subscribed to always get notified of Tommy’s posts that it would just be his I was emailed…evidently that is not the case. Next time I will check who wrote it so I can put the correct name.
Thanks for understanding.
Jacob says:
Jun 20, 2012
No problem! Thanks for reading!
RACHEL says:
Jul 1, 2012
So true, Jacob. Prayer can be such a struggle sometimes. Glad I’m not the only one who feels that way.
A couple things the Spirit has impressed upon me that have helped with my prayer life are these:
“We don’t know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” So when I am at a loss for what to say, I just feel it in silence and let the Spirit relate that to the Father. Sometimes words are unnecessary.
“Search me and know me, try my anxious thoughts, and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.” Like you said, God already knows our thoughts. When I ask Him to search me, it’s merely so He can show me those areas where I’m hardened or holding back, that way He can bring me back into agreement with Him. When I sense difficulty communing with the Father, this becomes my prayer, and God is always faithful to show me where He needs to work to restore that relationship. What an awesome thing!